Most Americans are uncomfortable with grief.
Many believe that they should quickly resume normal activities as soon as possible and spend little time thinking about the loss.
The DSM has even recently added a “prolonged” grief disorder diagnosis:
For a diagnosis of prolonged grief disorder, the loss of a loved one had to have occurred at least a year ago for adults, and at least 6 months ago for children and adolescents. In addition, the grieving individual must have experienced at least three of the symptoms below nearly every day for at least the last month prior to the diagnosis.
Symptoms of prolonged grief disorder (APA, 2022) include:
Identity disruption (such as feeling as though part of oneself has died).
Marked sense of disbelief about the death.
Avoidance of reminders that the person is dead.
Intense emotional pain (such as anger, bitterness, sorrow) related to the death.
Difficulty with reintegration (such as problems engaging with friends, pursuing interests, planning for the future).
Emotional numbness (absence or marked reduction of emotional experience).
Feeling that life is meaningless.
Intense loneliness (feeling alone or detached from others).
Grief is complicated depending on circumstances, cause of loss. No one should ever be told that they need to just get over a loss.
Even if you are giving yourself permission to grieve, many around you may not know how to support you.
In her book “Bearing the Unbearable”, Joanne Cacciatore states:
“ Emotional tears contain 24 percent higher protein concentrations, including adrenocorticotropic hormone. This is a protein produced and then released in high doses during distress that signals the adrenal glands to release hormones that assist in the regulation of stress.”
We need to release our grief, we need time to remember what has been lost and we need encouragement and support to grieve.
Grief is not always about losing a person. It can be about losing a pet, a home, a job, a relationship and more.
Sometimes we even grieve what is to come such as a coming change like divorce, retirement, or a slow change like dementia.
These losses have been described as “ambiguous loss” (see https://www.amazon.com/s?k=ambiguous+loss+by+pauline+boss&hvadid=598726095791&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=1019499&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=11883979601011162930&hvtargid=kwd-22266094056&hydadcr=15551_13558570&tag=googhydr-20&ref=pd_sl_1dzix0sq9m_e)
For more ideas to support others through loss, or to communicate your feelings see this post-
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