First, consider that your parents did the best they could. The research keeps changing and just asking your parents what to do, or trying to do the opposite may not cut it. And, there is so much information out there it can be overwhelming.
Next, take a deep dive on your values. Try this: https://brenebrown.com/resources/living-into-our-values/
Then, understanding the research is clear that the best approach to parenting will reflect what is referred to as Authoritative parenting which is “The parents are nurturing, responsive, and supportive, yet set firm limits for their children. They attempt to control children's behavior by explaining rules, discussing, and reasoning.”
(https://www.apa.org/act/resources/fact-sheets/parenting-styles#:~:text=Authoritative,rules%2C%20discussing%2C%20and%20reasoning.)
Lastly, please know that parenting is hard and may trigger your own trauma feelings and if you need support to heal your own trauma please give yourself time and grace to do this.
Here are some resources to support you.
Books:
Websites:
Podcasts:
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