If you live in the United States, we are now one week past the election and the speculation about changes to come are rampant.
There are varying reactions to all of this speculation. Some are elated, many are shocked.
This post is for those that are shocked.
This is a collective grief that you might be experiencing. Another term also might be helpful-"ambiguous loss”. This term applies when you are anticipating grief and loss. If you are reading the speculation and fearing for the safety and rights of those you know, you are anticipating this loss.
Another phrase I read recently advised to “Suffer in community with skill”.
I believe what that means is to not isolate yourself in your suffering, to look for a supportive community. But, to also suffer wisely. Now that is subjective but I believe it would include sharing the collective grief, locating and highlighting resources, marginalized communities, and business. Wallowing in the speculation is not wise, but possibly considering what is needed for marginalized communities would be skillful.
Taking action of some sort helps us to claim our agency. We do not need to be victims. To consider what would be skillful action for you these questions are recommended:
1- What resources exist so I can better educate myself?
2-Who's already doing the work around this injustice?
3-Do I have the capacity to offer concrete support and help to them?
4-How can I be constructive?
Please consider how you care for yourself and if it is skillful. Grief needs to be felt, wrote about, worked out of the body. If we drown our sorrows in substances, become sleep deprived, are not feeding or moving our bodies. Grief will make us sick. Suffering with skill requires compassion, curiosity, and creativity. We need to be of sound body and mind. Ask yourself as you consume news if it feels healthy and wise for you. We don’t want to bury our heads in the sand, but over ingesting information is not skillful. Trust me you will hear about the pertinent news somehow.
Also, the holidays are coming. If you were already struggling with fear of political talk at the dinner table, the fear may be amplified. Consider what would be skillful in this regard. Can an agreement to not discuss politics be made? Can you skillfully detour conversation to neutral ground especially if children are present? Or maybe if it is a small gathering and it seems like the right time, are you ready to have a heart to heart with a loved one about the difference in your views.
If you choose the conversation, prepare yourself physically and mentally. Watch videos on active listening, prepare your talking points in a simple clear way and practice your ability to remain curious. Anger can be expressed without condemning others. When discussing someone's actions, name the action you are disappointed in and share your feelings.
For ex. “Uncle Steve, I need you to know that I feel a vote for Donald Trump could mean you are not as concerned about women and minorities, is there any truth in that for you?” This type of statement gives an invitation to explore the feelings. It gives you the opportunity to share your feelings and what you are believing about the situation. Hopefully Uncle Steve will respond-“that was not why I voted for him, I believe his economic focus is better.”
Consider before taking this approach: what do you want to accomplish, to share your feelings? To change his mind? If you are unsure, perhaps it is too soon and you may need a trusted friend or therapist to help you sort it out first. Perhaps it is not even skillful for you to be around certain family. Consider your ooptions for an abbreviated visit.
We can be certain that much will be changing soon. We do not like change but we can care for ourselves and our communities best we can.
I found this adaptation of the serenity Prayer and it might be helpful to you:
“Grant me the patience to work with the unjust systems I cannot change today.
The courage to strategically enact progress when I know I can, and the wisdom to know that, despite structural oppression, I can still make a difference.”
Fear can not win when we elevate ourselves and we continue to believe that we can and will make a difference. Start with caring for yourself, your loved ones, and beloved communities. One small action can ripple outward, continue to believe that.
More ideas: https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/political-grief-trump-election-1235158868/
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